


Million Different Pieces

by klutzy_girl



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Episode Tag, Ficlet, Friendship, Gen, Grief/Mourning, Mutual Pining, Post-Episode: s15e06 Golden Time, Season/Series 15
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-02
Updated: 2019-12-02
Packaged: 2021-02-25 04:33:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 556
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21650134
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/klutzy_girl/pseuds/klutzy_girl
Summary: Sam's mourning the loss of one woman he loved while trying to cope with the resurrection of another woman he has feelings for. It's really fucking with his head.
Kudos: 12





	Million Different Pieces

For Sam, losing the woman he loved - by his own hands, no less - broke him into a million different pieces again. He had been put back together so many times he didn’t think he could ever be whole. The fact that he never got to tell Rowena how he felt made shit both better and worse.

And then Eileen came back - because of a spell of Rowena’s doing, one last gift after failing to bring Mary back, and it was surreal. He had never gotten to tell Eileen how he felt either and he knew he should now that she was back but it was way too soon - she was still dealing with her resurrection and the Hell trauma he knew all too much about. Needless to say, all of his warring emotions were really fucking with his head and Sam hated it.

Dean eyed his brother in concern. “You going to check on Eileen again?” he queried.

Sam shrugged then bent his head. “Probably.”

His older brother clapped him on the shoulder as he walked past him on the way to the kitchen. “Tell her how you feel, Sammy.”

He flinched, unsurprised that Dean knew exactly what was going on in his mind - they knew each other better than anyone after all. Sam stood up and walked down the hall to Eileen’s room to see what she was up to. She wasn’t sleeping - again - but was on her tablet. He smiled and she looked up and waved. “Hi,” she told him.

“Hey,” Sam replied. He sat down on the bed when she beckoned him over. “Is today a good day?”

“A little better,” she signed.

“That’s a good sign,” he signed right back.

She looked over at him. “Is today a good day for you?” Eileen couldn’t help but worry - something had seemed off since she returned and it wasn’t just about the apocalypse they were facing. 

Sam looked down at the bed, the response giving her the answer. So Eileen just embraced him and wouldn’t let him go. He gave a short laugh and patted her arm. Looking up, he mouthed “thanks” at her.

She waved off his concerns. “You’re welcome, Sam. Do you want to talk about it?” 

He didn’t but it all came pouring of him - losing Rowena, having to kill her, and how he wanted to avoid it. Sam didn’t mention that his feelings for Eileen, not wanting to scare her off or upset her, but he couldn’t stop talking about Rowena. And he wasn’t surprised when a sob let loose. “Sorry,” he gasped.

She shook her head. “You don’t have to apologize for your grief, Sam. You’re allowed to mourn, Rowena. She meant a lot to you?”

“Yeah.” The fact that he’d never get to see her again was killing him. 

“You were in love with her.” Eileen correctly guessed, her heart breaking for the man in front of her - the one she had feelings for. But right now, that didn’t matter. 

His breath hitched and he leaned in even more. “Yes,” Sam finally admitted out loud for the very first time.

The two of them refused to let go of one another and let all the sadness, grief, and fear pour out of them at once. It felt cathartic in so many ways, and something they both desperately needed.


End file.
